#1 2010-02-17 13:14:53
You've all heard me preach about how we sometimes trip over our anger and say over-the-top things that are then turned around and used to discredit us
and to distract people from what we are angry about.
Last week I did not practice what I've been preaching...
On Monday of last week I stopped off at the COA office to drop off some Vote April 6 pins. There were maybe five people in the room. (The only one I recognized was Liz Pezzolli.) I stopped at the reception desk, explained what I was trying to do, and gave the person my name, and that seemed to set off an alarm in the head of a person I have heard a lot about but had never seen before: The COA Director and Acting WFL Director.
What happened then is stiil hard to believe: She lit into me with the accusation that I had spied on her in her library office and that I had written in a blog that I had personally seen her watching pornography and using her computer for on-line shopping! Then she lit into Sandra and all the others at the library who are involved in the "missing money problem" ! I should have said nothing and just walked out of her office and her life.
But, No.... .. I lost it......And stayed PO'd for four days, trying to get her to retract her outrageous accusation about the spying and the pornography.
I asked her to produce a copy of the blog...She said she'd bring it in the next day....
The next day: "I couldn't find it ...You find it."
That was another chance for me to walk away from a classic "lose-lose" situation, but, no....like a bleeping idiot/bull terrier I wouldn't let go.
In a way, I'm sorry that P-Span wasn't there with his TV camera each time when I was venting my monumental wrath at that woman. I'll bet that if I could have shown those films to Red Sox Manager Terry Francona he'd have hired me to charge out on the field instead of him to make a fool of myself when the umpire made an outrageous call at first base. He'd have said, "Wheeler....You do a much better job of making an ass of yourself when you're mad than I do...You're hired!"
Along about Thursday I came back to Earth, and realized that I was using this incident to vent the massive accumulation wrath that has built up over the past three years. There I was, handing out Vote Apll 6 pins, when out of the blue came the woman who has terrorized the WFL for months, and who has treated the people who have been nurturing the place for years as if they are common criminals. All of this pent up anger came spilling out....but in an incoherent, and counter-productive way .
The baeball analogy is probably a good one. How many times have you watched as the over-the -top antics of a heated baseball coach made a serious situation turn into a silly one ? And that's what I did.
It was absurd of me to expect that this person was ever going to back down from her outrageous allegation that I had spied on her while she was watching pornography in her WFL office.....But the more I persisted ,the more I made my insistence on an apology seem absurd. I had totally misused the potential to turn all of that anger into positive energy, which I am now prepared to do.
Tip O'Neil was known for cautioning new members of Congress about the dangers of getting up on the floor of Congress in sudden anger: "Rise in anger; sit down in shame," was the famous advice of this very wise man.
Sorry,Tip...I let you down last week......But don't give up on me.
Last edited by Dick Wheeler (2010-02-17 15:18:13)
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#2 2010-02-17 13:51:42
Mark my words, Dick. You'll sleep better.
Commonsense is the only human soul here who hasn't melted down at least once.
I arrived home from a kangaroo court appearance in Plymouth last May, after facing 12 BOS wannabe officers of the court, and I drank a pint of Guinness to sleep the afternoon away. My alcohol tolerance is fucking zilch.
I walked across the street to library and launched a Billy Sunday Sermon instead. "Vote, all of you, damnit! Vote!"
Susan Pizzolato evicted me, or at least threatened. Then I walked back home and slept like a dead man.
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#3 2010-02-17 15:02:09
Commonsense is the only human soul here who hasn't melted down at least once.
Hey, somebody's got to bring up the rear when the chips are down.
I've blown my share of gaskets, just not publicly.
Dick, you can't win a battle of wits when your opponent has none. Don't even waste your time.
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#4 2010-02-17 15:26:07
Dick the word apology is not in Marcia’s vocabulary. Don’t feel bad Dick sometimes Marcia does everything she can to get a rise out of people and then she pulls the “you can’t talk to me like that I’m the director” She loves to piss people off, I think it’s a power thing.
She has “problems” She tells her staff who they can and cannot talk to. If a staff person is seen talking to anyone on her list she questions the staff person as to what they were talking about. These aren’t just other town employees some of these people are citizens who come into the Multi Service Center on a regular basis. Like I said she has “problems”
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#5 2010-02-17 15:26:37
The best form of revenge in Karma. Remember, breathe....in with Jesus....out with Satan
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#6 2010-02-17 15:34:34
Dick...you're 80 years old. Whatever you do can simply be excused by saying you are an old coot.
An old coot that we all admire. I hope if I live to be 80 I'll still be feisty enough to go into a public building and run into someone who has vilified my wife and my own adventures to help the place she is suiting in and collecting a pay check to run, and have the strength to tell her or him what I think about them and their running of a system that existed 100's of years before they arrived.
I think the only other thing I will do is wear a trench coat and be nude underneath.
That's a cool old coot idea!
Dontcha' just love Dick Wheeler?
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#7 2010-02-17 17:06:30
dick,
I hope that your meltdown would garner applause from Lou Pinella.
As one who is at the younger end of the Old Coot range (no, no! notalawyer is notaboomer), I work very hard to minimize the outbursts of my youth, say 4-5 years ago. A heart condition will do that for you.
but if I were whacked entering a meeting, I don't know if there are adequate controls in place.
If I were accused, as odd as it is, of spying on someone who is watching porno? in the library? Probably make both Francona & Pinella blush.
My senior citizen response to these oddities of life has mostly gone from over-the-top anger to sarcasm, much to the chagrin of my wife. Oh, she applauds the reduction of angry outbursts to occasional sleights, but is wary of the sarcasm bit. On a December cruise, a couple of oldtimers tried to cut in line at the disembarcation from the ship. the ship's personnel neatly fended off that attempt, leading to much screaming & yelling by the offenders. On the bus to the airport, the two miscreants landed in the seat in front of us. They were subjected to a steady stream of sarcasm, using their own words. My wife got up and changed seats, dragging me with her. she was right, as usual.
there is, of course, a much larger question at issue than the demeanor of one of the genuine "good guys". Why would anyone vote for the people who put the misogynist in charge of two people-sensitive functions in the town? As luck would have it, there is an upcoming opportunity to send a clear message about marcia et al.
FOCUS - FOCUS - FOCUS
VOTE4CHANGE
APRIL 6, 2010
SURELY, WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH !!!
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#8 2010-02-17 19:03:48
Dick, I have a saying "You can't argue with ignorance" . I tried with Brenda once. I felt like socking her, but walked away after saying just that. It felt good, but i hated dragging myself to her level. The blank look on her face told the story.
...Although, after 60 I have let myself wallow in anger...ocassionly.
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#9 2010-02-18 08:09:36
FYI ...I just re-read my harangue and want to add this, because it's just the kind of thing my Halifax PR agent is apt to pick up and twist......
Although I was seeing the COA Director for the first time when she verbally assaulted me with false charges last week, her name was not new to me! I had heard plenty of horror stories from the time she first stepped in as Acting Director of WFL. As she was beating up on me, it was the spying and pornography charges that put me over the top., and although I couldn't remember ever mentioning her name in a Bill W blog I did remember that her behavior resulted in activity here.
So, the first thing I did when I got home was call P-Span to find out if I had participated. He made a search and came back with a negative, but the next day, or the next after that he got a match that I then recalled...
There had been a lot of chatter last Fall about the bizarre work style of the new acting director. There was a lot of talk, you will remember, about lock changing, and there was reference to her habit of going straight to her office and staying there out of sight until closing time...and there was a joke going around that she must be doing her Christmas shopping on-line. I passed that on here. Here's my whole e-mail : "The word at the library is that Marcia spends a lot of time doing her Christmas shopping on-line." Not an accusation based on "personal spying", and no mention of pornography. P-Span's research was the definitive proof that I wqs being slandered, and also explained why , when I kept pressing for her to produce the letter, she shifted to saying she couldn't find it. Three cheers for our archivist, P-Span.
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#10 2010-02-18 08:14:42
Dick …I think you should tell the TA about this incident. Marcia is the COA director. I don’t think it is appropriate for her to initiate a verbal attack on a SENOIR and in the same conversation verbally attack your wife. You are not the first senior she has been verbally abusive to but you are the first one that I know of that has had the guts to confront her and demand an apology.
I don’t know if the TA will do anything. I do know that people are now going to the TA reporting things that Marcia has done that are inappropriate. I know someone told him about her swearing at the library. People were reluctant to say anything to Sanguinet because he never did anything. I think the new TA is the kind of administrator that will keep a written record. As more and more people report incidents and her file gets thicker and thicker it will become harder to ignore her inappropriate behavior and how unprofessional she is as the COA director.
At one of the last selectman’s meetings Andrews mention that he would have office hours for the general public on Thursdays I think he said from 3pm till closing. I don’t know if you need to make an appointment.
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#11 2010-02-18 08:18:16
Dick,
I know I have been guilty MORE than a time or two of trying to argue with a rock. Looking back, it did nothing but cause me more frustration. What we are dealing with are bullies with a victim mentality (wrap your arms around that one!) They want to bully and bully and when someone responds, they immediately throw out the victim mentality.
I was thinking about this after reading your first post and it came to me. They must be WWE or "rasslin" fans. Their behavior is mirrored in the ring. Some wear masks and taunt the crowd, some execute dirty tricks when the ref is not looking, and there is the ever-present Manager, trying to help his "rassler" get an advantage.
If we could only get rid of the goofy dunce "commissioners"!
Last edited by Larry McDonald (2010-02-18 08:50:59)
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#12 2010-02-18 08:30:27
This is just another example of someone making accusations without PROOF or EVIDENCE to back up the claims. Now, where have we seen this before???!!!
Interesting how the library folks are the target of these baseless accusations.
At this point we must ignore these distractions. Hard to do, sure, but we have more important issues to focus on---April 6th must be first and foremost on the agenda from now on. We can't waste time arguing with people who need serious psychiatric intervention. Of course, this is all just my opinion, so surely, no one should be punished because of something I say on the blog---right???!!!! Only time will tell.
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#13 2010-02-18 11:16:24
Another add-on: I want Mark Andrews to be successful. I met him a couple of weeks ago to talk about my proposed VOTE APRIL 6 initiative, and I was impressed by the sincerity of his support, and by his warmth and professionalism. He's a "keeper" !
He has a tough job, which is all the tougher because he could have a new "boss' or two in a matter of weeks. He has other, far more important "fish to fry" than me right now, and I don't want to put him in the embarrassing and damaging position of having to make a public defense of the person we are talking about, and he would have to do that in my situation based on the fact that I let her get under my skin and overreacted. What I intend to do is to let some time elapse....perhaps wait until..say...April 7th...and then talk with him, not about Ms. G. ,but the hiring practices that led to her selection. Was there a committee that included Wareham people with experience as COA volunteers? What were they especially looking for in their candidates? What impressed them about the successful candidate's education and experience? What about her letters of recommendation? Did anyone follow them up with phone calls? How did she perform in interviews? Did the person or persons dealing with the process give highest priority to "people management skills"?
There is reason to suspect that the selection process was deeply flawed.
There are some workplace situations in which the manager can survive for a long time by keeping people in line with fear: "If you don't do what I say, I will fire you." It's a terrible way to manage people, but it works well during economic downturns. As a manager of volunteers, however, you have to come to deal realistically and humbly with the fact that they have the ultimate control over you.
If the professional who is in charge of volunteers handles them poorly, they will hang on for a while out of love for the institution, but there will be no new volunteers and the loyalists wil eventually say,"It isn't worth it, I quit."
Remember,though, Mark Andrews played no part in her selection, but his "right hand man" is likely the person who, in a time of enormous stress, made the bad choice....and that adds to the complexity of the spot the TA is in. The best way to help him would be to report ( calmly ! ) documentable problems as they occur. It would be my nature in most personnel decisions to recommend formal re-training if the person showed both promise and willingness. That doesn't appear to be applicable here. Yet another factor to consider is the answer to the legal/ethical question: Is it fair to condemn her for her performance in a 2nd job that she could argue was forced upon her ? She might also raise the defense that her poor performance at COA was directly related to the stresses of a 2nd major job she was pressured to take on.
Bottom line: Personnel situations are seldom slam-dunk decisions, but I think Mark Andrews is well qualified to deal with this one: fairly, firmly, with compassion....and without getting us into yet another K&P situation.
Last edited by Dick Wheeler (2010-02-18 11:32:44)
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#14 2010-02-18 13:03:48
Your point about personnel decisions is well-taken Dick. We have seen more than one poor choice by the current BoS. We would have a qualified library director right now, if they had done their due diligence (i.e. google!) with Mr. Nerbosa.
Instead, time has been wasted, book sales canceled, the meeting room reservation book is now in the possession of Griz who often does not answer emails and phone calls, TWO locks have been installed on her office door at extra expense to tax payers, staff have to wait to have the entrance door unlocked at the beginning of the day and locked at the end of the day because of some draconian key rule, the staff is demoralized and has been overworked for months, the certification requirements for NEXT year are nowhere near being met (15% spent on books and materials since the beginning of the fiscal year??), proper certification forms for current certification were sent to the state late even after multiple requests.
Yet, if the BoS had hired a qualified librarian, even if they had gone to their SECOND choice candidate after we, on this blog, googled Mr. Nerbosa, many of the library problems would not be with us today.
My experience with Mr. Andrews was not very positive as he allegedly denied something he said even though there were witnesses present. But if he is willing to work to help restore our library to a well-functioning department, I'll be happy to work with him and support him!
The solution?? Vote for change on April 6 by voting for two new selectmen, a new town clerk and a new town moderator!!!
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#15 2010-02-18 16:16:27
I've read Bobo's ''take" twice: I found nine lies the first time , eleven the next. If his witnesses didn't hear me holler "PORNOGRAPHY" many times they are deafer than I am.
Next time I pull a Lou Panella I'm going to pick better witnesses than Liz Pezzolli and Kate Furler !
Anyone who knows me would know that I wouldn't blow my stack at shopping on line, but accuse me of what she did and then go on to insult Sandra and I'd probably go bonkers again!
I promise you all that I am not going to engage Bobo. Response is what he lives for. Starve him.
Although exposing Marcia Griswold for what she is was not the purpose of my visit,it may turn out to be the redeeming virtue of it.
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#16 2010-02-18 17:59:50
I believe you may know KF as gramyk during the tin foil hat chat
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