#1 2009-10-19 10:34:19
5 Months and at least $70,000 - $100,000 or more later, all spent on a computer audit that Janey announces Saturday was mainly motivated by Online shopping.
Online Shopping - a true threat to national security. Somewhere in Wareham, a town employee is going on Amazon.com to order a book from Oprah's Book of the Month Club. Who can Wareham turn to in the wake of this online shopping crisis?
:::beep beep...beep beep:::
24's SPECIAL AGENT JACK BAUER!
CENTRAL COMMAND CENTER: "Hello Jack, this is Central Command! Drop everything you are doing! Yeah, I don't care if you are disarming a nuclear bomb, this is much more important! The selectmen in Wareham, Massachusetts, are you sitting down for this, Jack? They believe that town computers are being used for online shopping!
JACK: My God, not online shopping!
CENT-COM: Yes, online shopping! Right now as we speak, a town employee is using his or her town computer to bid on collectible items on eBay! Oh, the horror! The Humanity!!!
JACK: That is a true threat to national security! But have you thought about having them buy a $2 ream of copy paper at Staples, make up and post some notices around town buildings that say, "Don't shop on town computers!" You should do that before you spend $70,000 plus dollars and 5 months on an expensive drawn out computer audit!
CENT-COM: Damn it, why didn't we think of that? Oh well, I guess that's why you're the Special Agent!
::Beep beep...beep beep:::
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-10-19 10:37:40)
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#3 2009-10-19 11:06:06
maybe town employees caused his death by contacting him thru the town owned computers???
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#4 2009-10-19 11:37:26
So to add to the comments made during 6 minutes of executive session,
"I don't trust that rat! I wouldn't trust him as far as I could thrown him" .......I don't see how he can be buying Shamwow's and getting the extra bonus! Those snuggies were on back order when I called!
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#6 2009-10-19 13:28:23
:::Beep beep...beep beep::::
"Jack, this is central command! We've now learned that town employees are using their town computers to buy shamwows and slap chops to chop their nuts! This mission is obviously too big for one man, even a special agent with your abilities. We're sending in a man to back you up...your back up on this mission is....
CHUCK NORRIS!
Asked to comment on his new mission, Mr. Norris said, "'Aint no one using town computers to buy George Foreman Grills on my watch!!!"
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-10-19 13:30:07)
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#7 2009-10-19 13:39:03
I think this goes back years....back to the days of RONCO.....yes, spray on hair! We have shop-a-holics on our town computers! ::faint:: While our Selectmen are losing court cases and increasing our legal expenses, we are going after town employees spending their own money on shamwows!
Ever see the beginning of Twilight Zone with Ron Serling? Yep....we are entering.....The Twilight Zone....
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#8 2009-10-19 13:49:40
A few favorites...
Krazy Glue
The Clapper
"I've fallen and I can't get up!"
"Jack, Chuck, anyone!!! Get your ass down to Town Hall! Someone just used their work phone to order pizza!!!"
PShooter
TAKEBACKWAREHAM
Last edited by PShooter (2009-10-19 13:54:04)
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#9 2009-10-19 13:50:05
I hear Bobo needs some of this:
But please, whatever you do, don't use a town computer to buy it for him.
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#10 2009-10-19 13:56:22
Is anyone else laughing so hard they are in tears? What in the heck is going on in Wareham?
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#11 2009-10-19 13:58:10
If I ordered an audit because employees use their computers to buy things on line, I would be summarily dismissed for poor judgement. I keep thinking of the "K&P are going over the results with a fine tooth comb" comment and wondering if they were looking for good websites to buy stuff from.
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#13 2009-10-19 14:07:12
Larry McDonald wrote:
Is anyone else laughing so hard they are in tears? What in the heck is going on in Wareham?
You gotta love it when they give us material to go on a joke spree like this. Speaking of....
BREAKING NEWS: Selectmen, having heard that town employees are now using town computers to do all of their Christmas shopping on Walmart.com, have called in more back up for Jack and Chuck. Yes, they have turned to a group of Vietnam veterans, wrongfully convicted for a crime they did not commit. These men now travel the world going on outlandish missions as part of their mercenary-for-hire business.
One representative of this "team," when asked about Wareham's online shopping crisis, said, "I pity the fool that uses a Wareham town computer to buy Christmas gifts online!"
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#14 2009-10-19 14:18:18
Rip Dinkle here.....(que the music Hamm)
This reporter has been told by sources that one town employee used the town computers to purchase a Bedazzled kit. She then bedazzled a shirt and presented to one of the Selectmen. K&P offered an opinion on this that stated it was acceptable use of computers.
Rip Dinkle.....but wait! There is more......
(always wanted to say that)
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#16 2009-10-19 19:45:54
Yeah sure, online shopping. Witch hunt confirmed...... Again.
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#17 2009-10-19 21:10:04
People, I don't want to alarm you, but at this very moment, a town employee may or may not be using a town computer to purchase a Swiss Colony Beef Log.
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#18 2009-10-20 08:00:19
Here's a noodlescratcher for you all:
Suppose you are a town employee and you want to use a town computer to buy a limited edition President Obama collector's plate. Should you be banned from buying said plate, because using a town computer to shop is an offense to Janey? Or should you be allowed to buy it, because being prevented from giving praise to Obama would be an offense to the Democrat Town Committee, which is basically like offending Janey?
A puzzle that blows your mind, doesn't it?
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#19 2009-10-22 22:46:41
Alright you power elite bastard town employees, how many slap nutter choppers did you buy on your town computers this week?
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