The top ten ways to raise money for the rag.

1. Beg for subscriptions - yes beg, remember... "I'm a proud man, but..."
(hey why not pay for a free newspaper, makes sense to me)

2. Start charging for a free newspaper that you can't give away.
(when the piles of free newspapers won't move, slap a 75 cents sticker on them and watch them go!)

3. Half price ads!
(That's right folks, pre pay for your ads and they are half price - we've been ripping you off up until now so we can afford to cut our prices in half when you prepay. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll still be in business for a long time!)

4. Cut overhead by publishing the paper from your living room - you read about it in the rag first!
(Oops, this one only works if you are actually paying rent, no savings there)

5. Cut staff and copy all your news from anonymous bloggers, you saw it here first.
(Oops again, that only works if you actually pay your staff)

6. Let one of your kids go... "If the economy gets any worse I'm going to have to let one of my kids go."
(I'm not sure what that means and I'm still waiting to hear back from DSS)

7. Pimp out the rag's opinion for ca$h.
(Apparently that's already happened too... Who is that mysterious silent partner from California anyway?)

8. Start selling cats!
(I guess he'd have to pay her first, so that won't work, there's always Chinese food.)

9. Gather up last week's issues, change the date and redistribute.
(Seriously, who would notice, one stack of rags is the same as another)

10.  (drum roll....)  I can't wait to see what the next crazy scheme the rag has in store - stay tuned!

Truth is always more fun than fiction!