#1 2009-08-27 22:48:15
Dear Bobo,
Adult illiteracy is nothing to be ashamed of.
(Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of, unless you're a reporter, then you should be ashamed of it big time.)
Anyway, Bobo, we bloggers have been busting on you for years. You claim to be the genius that knows everything, yet, in three years, you have not produced one error free newspaper.
Last week, you bumped off Maria. This week, I see this little gem of a headline:
"Wareham roberry suspect caught, confesses"
It's ok, Bobo. Run along and change it and pretend it never happened. (We really should be charging you for editing services rendered.)
Bobo, that crappy headline is the last straw.
We bloggers are going to teach you to read! We're going to teach you to write!
Wait, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We're not miracle workers. Maybe the most we can hope for at this point is to turn you into a functional illiterate.
Bobo, we need to start slow. We need to start with the basics. Let's start with spelling.
I have some homework for you, Bobo. I'll post your lessons below. If any other bloggers want to post some lessons for Bobo, feel free.
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-08-27 23:39:37)
Offline
#2 2009-08-27 22:49:20
Lesson 1
Go to this website, Bobo, and buy every single book and CD they have available.
www.hookedonphonics.com
"Hooked on Phonics worked for Bobo!"
Offline
#3 2009-08-27 22:52:58
Lesson 2 - Spelling
Bobo, I've hired two world reknowned spelling tutors for you. Watch them and do everything they say.
Sesame Street Two-Headed Spelling Monster (which remarkably resembles Bobo and Paul Shooter)
Offline
#4 2009-08-27 22:55:59
Lesson 3 - Grammar
Baby steps, Bobo. We have to teach you how to crawl before you can walk.
School House Rock - Conjunction Junction (Apparently, Bobo missed this on Saturday mornings)
This will help you, Bobo. Try to think of each hateful word you write as a box car. Each hate car needs a connecting car, or conjunction to hook up one hateful word to the next hateful word. Without conjunctions, your hateful words are stranded on their own. With conjunctions, your hateful words connect into one big hate train! All aboard the Bobo Hate Express! Woo woo! Chugga, chugga, chugga!
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-08-27 23:11:59)
Offline
#5 2009-08-27 22:59:26
Bobo, while we're at it, given the lousy quality of your reporting, a remedial government lesson probably wouldn't hurt you either:
School House Rock - I'm Just a Bill
This was obviously pre-9/11, what with this red headed kid wandering around the Capitol Building and the Whitehouse, chatting up Congressmen and the President willy nilly.
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-08-27 23:13:44)
Offline
#6 2009-08-27 23:31:41
Bobo, I don't want to throw too much at you or divert you too far from your spelling and grammar studies, but I've seen some of the math work in your stories and decided a little remedial math lesson wouldn't hurt you either:
Bobo, you can practice this math exercise on your own at home. Just dump out the contents of your Dunkin Donuts bag and start counting! "One bagel, ahh ahh ahh! Two bagels, ahh ahh ahh!"
Offline
#7 2009-08-28 07:52:45
BREAKING NEWS: Bobo changes "roberry" to "robbery."
That'll be $47.50 for proofreading services rendered. I'll keep posting more homework for you, Bobo. You need the practice. Together, we can improve on your adult illiteracy.
Offline
#8 2009-08-28 07:56:13
Hamatron, you're the best!!..has there ever been a worse puiblication than the Rag??....go away Bobo, you can't suck enough!!
Offline
#9 2009-08-28 07:58:50
Bobo, why did you steal Paul Shooter's spotlight? He wrote the first bank robbery story, why didn't you let him write the follow up? His first story had all sorts of information that you would only get if he had talked to the officers investigating the matter. Are you saying that ole Paulie's story was a rehash because a voice in your head can't interview people?
Don't get it, Bobo. Paul Shooter wrote the first robbery story, why didn't you let him do the follow up?
Hey, what do you know, looking at surveillance video actually works!
Offline
#10 2009-08-28 08:21:30
We love you, Ham...you brighten up the day!
Offline
#11 2009-08-28 08:49:45
Ham, I'm less concerned about the literacy, and more concerned about Slager's complete inability to do math
Auto-edited on 2020-08-11 to update URLs
Offline
#12 2009-08-28 09:43:05
Cas, I agree, his math skills need alot of work. That's why I started him off easy by having him count with the Count.
Bobo, your math homework for the weekend is to read Cas' expose of your shoddy math, and then continue to work on your math skills with the Count:
Bobo, don't hurt yourself counting your feelings. How many are you up to? 8,457? (Ahh, ahh, ahh!)
Offline
#13 2009-08-28 10:02:47
Bobo, I don't want to give a man a fish. I want to teach a man to fish. That's why I'm worried you just changed "roberry" to "robbery" just because I told you to, not because you researched and found the correct spelling on your own.
Continue working with your spelling tutors, Bobo:
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-08-28 10:03:33)
Offline
#14 2009-08-29 17:08:39
From Bobo's follow-up story about the bank robber:
"Wallace said video surveillance picked up a solid image of Perry when he allegedly robbed the Citizens Bank in Wareham."
Ahh, Bobo, er I mean Paul Shooter, er I mean Bobo Shooter, er I mean whoever you are today, don't you see why checking the surveillance tape is the first thing the police do? That incompetent boob Paul Shooter was saying the police were not going to check the tape. That was some lousy reporting Shooter.
Offline
#15 2009-08-29 17:21:30
My favorite Bobo misspelling is "twart" as in to "twart" an effort. He's done it twice, but has never responded to my suggestion that he should look up "twart" in the O.E.D. where is listed as a variant form for "twat". and as most people know, a twat is a.....aw, go look it up yourself!
Offline
#16 2009-08-29 21:34:51
You kiill me, Dick...
Offline
#17 2009-08-29 22:35:19
I always thought "thwart" was a funny word for a reporter to use, but then again, he always acts like everything is a scene out of a comic book.
"Holy Bagels, Bruce-man, we have to thwart the evil power elite!"
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-08-29 22:46:08)
Offline
#18 2009-08-29 22:46:43
"And call Paul Shooter, Tank Thunder, and Dirk Steelfist for back up!"
Offline
#19 2009-08-30 08:54:36
As a non-reader of the rag, I have to rely on what you all say. I keep hearing the Paul Shooter comments, but I only see analysis of ragboy's articles. What news stories have Pee Shooter covered since he came out of ragboy's closet or should I say bathroom?
I would imagine he would have at least one major news article in each rag but I haven't heard any of you talking about it. I know you have commented on Andrea's articles since she came back, so I'm stumped as to why you aren't analyzing Pee Shooter's--not to be confused, of course, with our very own PShooter.
Unless of course, he's just a figment of our collective imaginations. LOL.
Offline
#20 2009-08-30 09:45:58
Bobo announced that Paul Shooter wouldn't be doing news stories now because it would be difficult for him to maintain his anonymity. (Never explained how he did a bunch of other stories with quotes from people who never talked to anyone other than Bobo though.) I assume that means during those stories, Paul Shooter was interviewing people from behind a screen using a voice changer.
Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-08-30 09:55:33)
Offline
#21 2009-08-31 08:35:33
CAPE COD BAGEL SANDWICH 6.39
One egg, Canadian bacon and American cheese on a grilled bagel with home fries
His new favorite Bagel!!
Offline
#22 2009-08-31 11:34:17
OH MY GAUD WHAT A DAMM LIAR. BY BY MR SHHOTER I GUESS IF YOU DONT EAT ANY MORE CHILLIE BAGELS THEN MR SHOOTER WILL BE GOING BYE BYE.
Offline
#23 2009-08-31 11:36:25
WHATS NEXT ANOTHER SECRET PERSON GIVING THE NEWS HOW ABOUT HIS WIFE LIZZIE SHOOTER AS LONG AS SHE DOESNT EAT ANY BEANS.
Offline
#24 2009-08-31 11:46:25
How about Saul Pooter? He only has to change two letters. We'll call it the lazy man's challenge!
Offline
#25 2009-08-31 11:48:43
Larry,
Did you eat all of that wonderful food yesterday, or do you have enough to send down to a poor Vet?
Offline
#26 2009-08-31 11:58:08
Dan,
I actually cooked for two days, so when it came time to eat, I did more watching and less eating. There is plenty left. Steve Holmes was there, he can vouch for the food! My wife (LizdaGnome) actually had planned a surprise 50th birthday for me, so I had a wonderful cake that was an awesome looking Univ of Tennessee football helmet. She planeed it with my kids and sister, so everyone would be there (even though my birthday was in May). Saturday we boiled Lobster and crab, had bacon wrapped scallops, crawdads ( a southern treat!), and steak tips, Sunday we had about 5 kinds of sausage, pulled pork bbq, dogs and burgers, and many other foods!
I won't have to cook all week.
Offline
#27 2009-08-31 12:03:17
Thanks for making a brother drool all over himself.
Happy 50Th.!!
I think I have a sweater that is 50.
You are blessed. You are a half a century old.
I look forward to being your friend for the next 50 years.
I'm glad Steve made it. Someone needs to feed him!
Your children and grandchildren will thank you one day for what you and Liz are doing for their Town.
They are the future. We only prepare the way.
Best wishes to you and your wonderful family.
Offline
#28 2009-08-31 12:11:05
Thank you Dan. I received many wonderful presents. Again, I had no clue it was a birthday party or I would have at least shaved! :)
The best present of all....my sister, who I cherish dearly, was there...She hasn't left Florida in years, so it's wondeful she is visiting. All my children were there. Three great kids! And my wife, who can be a tough nut to crack (ask Slager, he banned her!), but she is a softie if she loves you!
Now, we have to hunker down and see what we can do to get this town started in the right direction.
Offline
#29 2009-08-31 13:22:04
Food was EXCELLENT!!!!!
I did make sure I went hungry.Outstanding job.
If there was a position open for Town Chef I would definitely hire Larry.
With Liz's planning skills she would make a great Town Planner everything was perfect!!!
Offline
#30 2009-08-31 23:30:16
Ham,
His math skills still need ALOT of work, but I just read his "fun with math". The first step is to get him to enjoy learning and because of you, he thinks he is going in the right direction. Unfortunately, I sense he is a very challenging student. Anymore tutorials/videos to send his way? I am a firm believer in no (wannabe) reporter left behind.
Last edited by nittygritty (2009-08-31 23:32:37)
Offline
