WAREHAM - Sources say that Disgraced Italian cruise ship Captain Franceso "Feets Don't Fail Me Now" Schettino has been named as the new Wareham Harbormaster.  The decision was made in accordance with the Hypocrite Elite's policy to hire the most incompetent people possible.

"We here at the Hypocrite Elite love incompetence" said one anonymous tin hat source.  "The more bizarre and comic-bookish like the incompetence, the better.  When we heard that this idiot drove a cruise ship too close to shore so that a waiter could wave to his family, crashed the ship, then made a bee line to the life boats before evacuating the passengers, we knew this was a clown that we wanted to work for Wareham, because gosh darn it, we hypocrites love incompetent clowns."

Sources further stated that Schettino's status as a resident of the Village of Lawrencia in the Merrimackio region of Italy was definitely a plus.

"We love incompetent people from Merrimackio, Italia," said another anonymous tin hat.  "We can't get enough of them.  The dumber the better."