Let it never be said that this blogster is not without a heart!  With the impending and imminent implosion of the Rag on its way, here are some suggestions of jobs that the Ragman might consider applying for so that his leather jacket isn't repossessed.

Because as we all know, given the incredibly lousy reputation this numbnut has built for himself, there's a better chance of the Pope knocking over a package store and escaping to Tiajuana then there is that the Ragman will ever, ever get a job in the journalism industry ever again.

He might try applying to the Siberia Gazette, based in Russia's ice cold sub zero nether regions, one of the few places that have yet to hear of his douchebaggery.  But even then, they'd fire him for making up stories that the Yak herders were stealing all the Yak's milk.  "Damn it!  Those Yak Herders are selling that milk and funneling the cash to the Siberian library! Arrrghhh!!!!"

So, without further ado, the Top 10 Jobs the Ragman might apply for when he is finished flushing his journalism career down the drain with his ineptitude and incompetence:

10.  Manure shoveler -  He already shovels little piles of manure shaped like newspapers around town every week. 

9.  Leather Jacket Model - Available for modeling gigs during July and August only - the peak time for leather jacket sales!!!

8.  Spokesman for Just for Men Balding Man Fro Hair Growth Spray - Just one squirt, and the 1970's are back, baby!  Disco forever!

7.  Kitty litter box liner salesman -  Because something will have to be done with all the leftover unsold rags.  (Though those rags turned litter box liners will probably be the only severance package that the Cat Lady gets).

6.  Priest - He claims to talk to God all the time and that one time, when the Rag was on the outs and he thought about giving up, he touched the sign on his office and the sign was warm, which he took as a sign from God that he should continue with the rag.  Yes, because as we all know, the Great Creator of Everything, the Almighty God, who can beam his messages directly into your brain or make them appear in the sky, decided that a paper with more typos than a third grade book report would be the best possible vessel for his message.

Wow, number 6 ran a little long!  P.S. the real reason why the sign was warm was because one of the Cat Lady's cats had just taken a big steamy dump on the back of it.  Sorry Ragman, you confused divine intervention with feline intervention!

5.  Financial Planner - He can partner up with Brucey to make - "Brucey and Bobby's Financial Planning Services - We're living proof of why you should pay your office rent and car payments!!!"

4.  Librarian - no wait, he'd consider that a living hell to be around all those rich elitist librarians.  He'd spend all his time looking for the hidden stash of nuclear warheads the librarians must have bought with all the overdue book fine nickels.

3.  Cat Rancher - Partner up with the Cat Lady to start "Uncle Ragman and Auntie Cat Lady's Kitty Farm!  Going on a vacation?  Stop by our feline flophouse, throw your cat through the door, and leave 5 bucks on the porch!  With luck, your furry friend will emerge from the messy piles of crap and other cats in about a week or so, just in time for your return!"

2.  Fast Food Drive-Thru Worker - Rumor has it that there is already a bidding war between Burger King and McDonald's for the Ragman's ability to sell people large piles of crap and convince them its good for them, when it reality, all it does is rot their innards.  He's leaning towards McDonald's, because to the Ragman, the idea that one man could be King of All the Burgers is a bit elitist.  Unless it is revealed that the Burger King is actually Brucey.  Then it will be ok to help him rule the burgers with an iron fist.

And the Number One Ragman New Job Prospect:

1.  Press Secretary for De-Facto Mayor Brucey - Oh, wait.  He already does that for free!

Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2008-11-22 10:40:40)