#1 2009-12-16 09:07:05

I understand we are in the midst of a Civil War! Why wasn't I told? As a southerner, I have a very different take on the outcome of the original Civil War. I've loaded up my black powder gun, made calls to Kentucky and Tennessee, we are ready to feud.

There are several attack strategies we could use (against each other):

The Gen. Beauregard Sauvageau attack: I am the boss, what I say goes!  Anyone that opposes me is summarily shot, hung, and then burned at the stake. It is commonly known as the triple death attack. It wastes money and has to be run through town council to make sure they are triple dog dead.

The Gen. Daisy Mae Eckstrom attack: uhmmm, well, errrr, okay, i'm confused. Is this about Nitrogen pollution, my good friends on MSR, or am I supposed to uhmmm, uhmmm, come up with something intelligent to say here?

The Admiral Jane Benbow Donahue attack: Immediately profess your allegiance to the enemy, infilltrate their camp, stand by while they are attacked, and express your sorrow, and have have a drink!


The Ulysses S Cronan attack: Wait! There is a war? I didn't read it in my notes. Come to think of it, I don't read my notes. Give me a damn gun and turn me loose!

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#2 2009-12-16 09:10:00

I heard that the tin foil hat squad had a civil war once.  They all agreed that their only purpose in life is to kiss Brucey's butt and call it ice cream, they just couldn't decide if it tasted like pistachio or rum raisin.

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#3 2009-12-16 09:31:37

All I want to know is when do I get to meet Daisy?


P-SPAN
TAKEBACKWAREHAM
April 6, 2010

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#4 2009-12-16 10:47:33

Larry, those are all good assessments of our selectmen's usual responses to anything. 

What about the "Gen. Bobo E. Lee" approach?  - Load up your cannon with 200 pounds of bullshit, fire it willy nilly and see what it sticks to, then stomp your feet and cry like a little girl if anyone stands up for themselves.

Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-12-16 10:52:11)

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#5 2009-12-16 11:03:34

Actually, I am reminded of the famous Gen. Bobo E Doufus. He wasn't a very good leader. He stood on the battlefield screaming "ADVANCE" and when he looked around, all his troops were gone. He was reported to be captured by the opposition and claimed millions of his troops would storm the building soon. 10 years later, he was still making that claim while no one ever came.


I was also told about Gen. John CurlyDoo Arnold. He would ride in after each battle in his spiffy outfit claiming victory and congratulating his leadership (even though he wasn't there). He would then have drinks with Adm Jane Benbow and they would fall off their chairs.

Last edited by Larry McDonald (2009-12-16 11:14:12)

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#6 2009-12-16 17:25:11

Larry: Gen. ARNOLD? related to Benedict IV or V or VI (whatever) of Revolutionary war fame, then infamy?

My modest proposal is to have the local descendant of Gen. John CurlyDoo Arnold and Benedict Arnold recreate the amazing feat of (then) Colonel B. Arnold. He convinced George Washington to allow him to take a small contingent of men from Maine (then part of Massachusetts) thru the wilderness, into Canada, to join in an attack on Quebec City on New Year's Eve. The attack failed.

Surely the descendant would choose to spend many months in preparation for this exciting re-creation. And, the event itself would consume many more months. And further, months & months mounting the proper spin as to why such a caper would go awry.

All time away from the home front. What could be better?

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#7 2009-12-16 19:56:31



Civil War, to funny!  Slager get a life, you have caused more disruptions in OUR (as in all actual residents) community then anyone here combined.  You seem to want everyone to be held accountable for there actions but yet you make no attempt to reel in our out of control wannabe politicians which would be the roots of any "Civil War" that you claim. 
I have followed "Mollys" lead of living a rag free lifestyle without any problems, however, this piece of work in now trying to cause an even greater disruption by claiming a "Civil War". 
Try paying taxes to a town that pisses it away on out of control legal, now infamous audits and countless other blunders then come back and tell us how you really feel. 

First the rag promoted Senior Baiting (I should say this is ongoing)
Then the rag promoted Racial Baiting
Now the rag is promoting a Civil War???  WTF???

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#8 2009-12-16 20:47:27



P-SPAN
TAKEBACKWAREHAM
April 6, 2010

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#9 2009-12-17 07:14:14

P-Span, were you implying with your Dukes of Hazzard video above that sweet Brucie is BOSS HOG????!!!! Ouch. Civil War anyone?

I found this in Wikipedia-- As his name would imply, Hogg was incredibly greedy. Creator Gy Waldron said he wanted the character to be the personification of the seven deadly sins. Boss Hogg would do anything to get his hands on more money, including executing many nefarious and criminal schemes. His lust for money often drove him to participate in criminal activities — usually by enlisting the aid of associates — mainly his right hand man and partner in crime, the dim-witted, bumbling Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane. Together, the two schemed to frame the Duke family (Hogg's most steadfast adversaries) for crimes they did not commit. Rosco's deputies, Enos Strate and Cletus Hogg (Boss's cousin), have also aided Boss Hogg.

In a typical episode of The Dukes of Hazzard, Boss hires others to carry out his crimes, then diverts the blame onto the Dukes—usually the cousins Bo and Luke. Some of Hogg's favorite schemes include bank and armored car robbery, counterfeiting, fraud, and 'shine running.' Boss constantly looks for new, usually dishonest, methods to bring revenue into the county (and thereby, into his pocketbook). Some of the more memorable schemes involve Rosco setting up fake fire hydrants next to parked cars, using hair dryers as radar guns (to ticket people for speeding), and placing hidden stop signs or speed limit signs that mysteriously spring into view after an unsuspecting motorist drives by.

Boss would often bend the law and make up rules to suit himself. Boss has a twin brother, Abraham Lincoln Hogg, who appeared in one episode of the show.

Boss Hogg's Alter-Ego

In "No More Mr. Nice Guy", (Episode: #7.5 - Original airdate: 19 October 1984) Boss Hogg was hit on the head and, as a result, developed a case of amnesia. When he awakened, he was a kind, caring, honest and fair man who intended to "clean up Hazzard County of all corruption". He did not like being referred to as "Boss" or even as "J.D." Instead, his nicer alter-ego identifies himself as "Jefferson Davis Hogg with two G's", or just "Jefferson" for short. Jefferson actually likes and appreciates the Dukes for the help they bring to Hazzard, and will help them whenever he can. That is, until Jefferson receives another bump on the head, (many times via Rosco) and converts back to the ruthless, corrupt Boss Hogg. Also, in the third season episode "The Late J.D. Hogg", Boss is wrongly diagnosed with a fatal illness, and again, adopts a nice, kind persona, only to revert back to his usual crooked, mean self when he learns that he is not really about to die.

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#10 2009-12-17 09:11:50

Molly wrote:

P-Span, were you implying with your Dukes of Hazzard video above that sweet Brucie is BOSS HOG????!!!!



P-SPAN
TAKEBACKWAREHAM
April 6, 2010

Last edited by P-SPAN (2009-12-17 09:44:43)

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#11 2009-12-17 09:29:11

Now let's not toss on Southerners. We are a proud bunch and despite claims that the north won the war, we know the true story (as told through generations of southerners).

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#12 2009-12-17 09:31:05

I can see Bobo as Rosco P. Coltrain - an incompetent lackey that does Boss Hog Brucey's bidding and has stuttering and speech problems, only a big talker if he can do it with a pen (and even then he can't write for shit!  You'd think a guy that illiterate would spend more time in the library and less time destroying it with lies!)

Last edited by Hamatron5000 (2009-12-17 09:31:32)

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#13 2009-12-17 09:37:11

Keep in mind that since he is charging for his paper, he cannot hide behind the anti-slapp laws. If he gives his paper away for free, that doesn't matter. He is still using it as a vehicle to sell subscriptions to his website. :) Yep, it's amazing what a little research can reveal.

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