The Rag goes on sale for 75 cents per rag this week...that's right, THE RAG: THE PAPER OF CHANGE, CAN YOU SPARE SOME?

But people, why spend three of your hard earned quarters on a lousy old rag when you can do the following things with them instead?

10.  Buy a roll of toilet paper.  You won't have free copies of the rag to use anymore.

9.  Three gumballs from the little grocery store vending machine - It's better to chew than to be screwed.

8.  Make up your very own "THE RAG: Always Free, Please Pay Me!" T-shirt.

7.  Give three quarters to a bum on the street.  Better him than a bum pretending to be a reporter.

6.  Buy Bruce's car - I hear repossessed cars are sold for cheap.

5.  Buy a rag then return it to the store.  Demand a full refund.  Tell the clerk you want your money back because you've seen third grade book reports on "The Cat in the Hat" written better than this.

4.  Buy a real newspaper.  Then run for the prudential committee and become a professional obvious non-sequitor writer, and you'll be able to go to little harbor and read the real paper all day long.

3.  Buy the Rag Man a spell-checker.  (Note to Rag Man - If businesses are dumb enough to sell your rag, at least spell their names right.  Are they being sold at the "Bourne SUNUCU" so that Little Jimmy can buy one on his way to the selectmen's meeting?

2.  Buy a can of delicious Mr. Pibb, Dr. Pepper, Sprite, or your favorite beverage - it might make you pee, but reading the Rag will make you pissed.

And the number 1 thing to do with your 75 cents other than spend it on a rag:

1.  Flush it directly down the toilet.  While toilets and rags are both full of crap, the toilet at least removes crap, while the rag adds crap.  And your toilet is full of more talent and intelligence than you'll ever see in the rag.